February 3, 2017
Several years ago, I ran into someone whose parents had been friends with mine. We chatted a few minutes and she exclaimed, smiling, “You are a perfect combination of your parents!”
I was a bit startled, as we hardly knew each other and it seemed like an intimate and surprisingly insightful observation to share. “Thanks,” I answered and we went our ways (and became Facebook friends).
I wasn’t quite sure what characteristics this acquaintance meant, but I’ve given thought to her idea, being the perfect combination of your parent’s positive traits. It came to mind again recently when a cousin on my mom’s side posted a cartoon about having no sense of direction. Another cousin (also on my mom’s side) commented that she’d be lost without her GPS. Not me. I have an amazing sense of direction, as did my dad. A former colleague used to lean back and let me drive around Little Rock on our work trips there. She knew I’d always get where we needed to be, even if I’d never been there before. But I digress.
But only slightly. I started a list of the things I admired about my dad: besides a good sense of direction, his love being on the water, willing to live with “good enough,” enjoyment of music, honesty, integrity, goofy sense of humor. And then my mom: organized, logical, interested in biology, devoted to her family, strong inner compass, love of learning, community volunteer, skill with all types of crafts ranging from painting to crocheting. Yup, it seemed true. I bet those are all traits that my friends and coworkers might say about me.
In younger years, I recall focusing on some difficult aspects of my parents and my efforts to avoid being like that. But what if instead I considered their strengths? Wouldn’t that emphasize that same part of me and draw in those qualities? Perhaps in a way similar to Ann Kubitzsky’s Look for the Good Project or Oprah’s Gratitude Journal, the good would just rise to the top. Maybe you get what you look for. It certainly provides a softer, kinder view of both myself and my parents.
Just the thought of it made me smile and stand taller. When my daughter would say, “My mamma can do anything,” I looked behind me up the family tree and acknowledged my mother’s competence. When I would teach a novice to kayak, I remembered my father’s patience in teaching me to row (and drive a stick shift).
I encourage everyone to look for these positive traits, even if it seems impossible. The truth is that the genetic and environmental imprint of our parents is in and on us, whether we like it or not. Embrace what is there, focus on the good, and celebrate your unique results.
Beth Lapin 
This brought tears …happy tears. Beautifully written, honestly true. And I knew them and know you. Blessed am I.
HUGS
And think about how the same is true for you, Ellen! Your parents left their imprint on you in a unique way that is wonderful!
I love this! I have a couple of siblings who have focused on what my parents did wrong, and I have continued to see the good in the them, albeit imperfect, and how I got so much of who I am from both of them– thanks for this!
Glad to support your efforts to look for the good!
Nicely written Beth! From the sounds of it your parents had a lot of good qualities to embrace. I can remember over the years thinking you had made a transition to embrace what you ‘liked’ about your mom. You always seemed to admire you dad… sign of being a ‘daddy’s girl’ (?) LOL
And what wonderful qualities of yours can you attribute to your parents?
I love this….I clearly have many of my maternal grandmother’s traits…klutziness being first and foremost, my mom’s love for literature and anxiousness, My dad’s love for jazz//I am going to think more about this. Thanks Beth.
Sounds as though you’ve got a few ideas already!
Beth, How totally sweet to see these photos and hear you talk about your parents, what a wonderful flashback, thank you! xo, Buffy
Sometimes our memories of junior high differ from the reality, eh?!
Thanks for sharing, Beth.
Thanks for commenting. Do you see your parents in your strengths?
A lovely blog. I have written a book about how our parents, grandparents traits get handed down over the generations, Dead Ancestors Control Your Life. Have I ever given you a copy?
Yes! Thank you for reminding me of that.
I need to read this. I have always thought that Stephanie had so many of my moms traits.
All the wonderful ones, of course!
Enjoyed your blog, especially since this is something I have been thinking about lately. So grateful for the qualities my parents had that I value so much. Thank you for putting it into words.
I’m glad it resonated with you.
Beth ~ what a beautiful sentiment and such a heartfelt tribute to you Kay and your parents. I wish I had the opportunity to thank your mom for blessing my life with you and thus, Kay. They both seemed to have rich full lives.
xxoo Jo-Ann
Jo-Ann, You are a treasure!
Enjoyed reading this and it has made me stop and think…it is better to focus on positive traits rather than negative…now to try and have my siblings see it that way also!
I wonder if we do best by modeling our new views and seeing what happens with the others in the family!